Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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