Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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