I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize