ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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