i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
