Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
