Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
