Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
