Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
