I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You left your phone here
Wait...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
