Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
