so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
