I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
