And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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