Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
