It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
