So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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