I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
