i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
