I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are the jesus of drinking
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
