I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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