there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
