this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
