I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
