I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
