also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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