who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
