The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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