ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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