They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
