I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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