i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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