Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
