Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Come on in and take your pants off
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