I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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