i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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