We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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