We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
