No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
