i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
