Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
