I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
