i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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