I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That accounts for only three of the penises
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
