I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
