Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you made out with another girl for some wings
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
