Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
