Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
