The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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