she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize