I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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