i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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