cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
