Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
false alarm, still single
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
