sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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