We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
