Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
