I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we made out on top of his cat.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
