She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
