i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
