I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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