What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
