you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
