I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
