One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
