According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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